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What-if questions

In the event of sudden overwhelming attack on, say, RAF Benson, by, say, the serpent-spawn of hell,  do you think that the crews of the Chinook and Puma helicopters stationed there would:

a) Attack the serpent-spawn, even though the helicopters are not really designed for that sort of thing  (and I am not sure if they are even armed with anything that would be likely to give serpent-spawn anything other than very momentary pause).

b) be used to evacuate and flee the base, assuming that they have maybe three hours notice, tops, and certainly would not be able to remove everyone living there.

You can assume that they are not getting any orders from the MOD.  I've already dealt with them.

Supplementary question inspired by dhampyresa :

In the event of serpent-spawn infesting London and the French using their nuclear submarines to attempt to put a stop to the serpent-spawn before it moves across the Channel,  how much of Northern France would become uninhabitable? 


( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
28th Aug, 2016 17:00 (UTC)
Mini-Dunkirk: Evacuate as many as possible, whilst some volunteers try to hold up the attacking serpent-spawn.

I have no idea as to the answer to the other question, other than quite a bit?
28th Aug, 2016 19:50 (UTC)
Yes, I like that idea! I feel they would try to put up some sort of resistance.
28th Aug, 2016 17:12 (UTC)
Presuming also they are unable to get anything else to help facilitate evacuation?
28th Aug, 2016 19:49 (UTC)
I think they'd be pushed for time. It's a very unexpected attack on a base in peacetime, so the kids would presumably be in school, spouses off at work and so on. They would have cars and vans though and presumably some people could make off in those.
28th Aug, 2016 20:09 (UTC)
In emergency, you can get a *lot* of people into a Chinook. This was proved in the Falklands - when the Atlantic Conveyor burned out, the task force was left with precisely one Chinook, which spent the rest of the war being horribly overloaded.
28th Aug, 2016 20:33 (UTC)
Well, I've killed off enough people already that the residents of RAF Benson are probably neither here nor there. If you really want the spouses and children of RAF Benson to perform a marvelous feat of coordinated evacuation and cram themselves in to a Chinook, then I will allow them to pass.

*waves magnanimously*
28th Aug, 2016 20:36 (UTC)
In fact, I may even give them a dramatic escape, rather in the manner of the civilian fleet heroically defended by HMS Thunder Child. That would be good.
29th Aug, 2016 06:03 (UTC)
I appreciate your graciousness.
28th Aug, 2016 17:31 (UTC)
1: a combination. Use your three hours to (a) load up some of the helicopters with whatever GPMGs, explosives & whatnot you can, and (b) use the rest to evacuate.

2: I assume you mean the nuclear missile subs, rather than the hunter/killers. The key question is then, probably, how many missiles they use. If both of the subs at sea use all of their 16 missiles each, and spread these evenly over northern France, that's probably enough to make it, at least, pretty unpleasant for a long time.
28th Aug, 2016 19:18 (UTC)
Ooh, I like 1).

2) yes. The suggestion was made that if serpent-spawn infested Greater London in a decisive enough manner, the French would probably try to nuke London via their nuclear subs in order to prevent infestation (and that they are likely to be the first to act, since it would be such an immediate threat to them).

So I was trying to work out the likely impact on Northern France of nukes hitting southern Britain (not actually hitting France) Pp points out that they would probably start with sending in their airforce first before resorting to nukes though.
28th Aug, 2016 19:29 (UTC)
Ah, got you. In that case, I think, northern France will still be pretty unpleasant. A large chunk of it will be fairly directly downwind, and in the plume of the fallout; and by the time this has got 100/200 miles east, it will have spread north and south a good bit.

And I am sure that Pp is right, and they would start with their air-launched tac nukes. Limited numbers of these wouldn't create so big a problem for northern France (although the pas de Calais wouldn't be a nice place to live).
28th Aug, 2016 19:35 (UTC)
That is, I think Pp is right, and they would send in their air force first. They might not use the air force's nukes straight away, but they might resort to them pretty quickly.
28th Aug, 2016 17:34 (UTC)
And what do you mean, you have dealt with the MoD? What did you *do* with them?
28th Aug, 2016 19:30 (UTC)
Oh well, I'm trying to stage Britain's Darkest Hour. So, really, they had to go. :-D
28th Aug, 2016 21:17 (UTC)
Chinooks in Afghan were fitted with miniguns so ...
28th Aug, 2016 21:38 (UTC)
Wikipedia says two miniguns and a machine gun, but I don't expect those to achieve much against a force that has just wiped out most of London. But no doubt it's enough to look heroic.
28th Aug, 2016 22:58 (UTC)
I'm of no help at all here, but I wanted to say I had a happy moment of confusion believing it was E.F. Benson who was under attack.
29th Aug, 2016 07:58 (UTC)
:-D I am not sure that this is the kind of crisis that Mapp and Lucia are best at, although no doubt they would address it with their customary wit.
29th Aug, 2016 04:00 (UTC)
Are serpent-spawn small but numerous or large and few or large and numerous? If they are small, and classifiable as pests, perhaps your Ministry of Agriculture or Ministry of Health would be the best people to deal with them, as an epidemiological rather than a military emergency. They might also be more useful in finding and destroying the source of the spawn.

No need for nukes. Conventional weapons can destroy a city quite handily. Or if the serpent-spawn travel in clumps, cluster munitions might work. Also blocking the Channel Tunnel, and the ports and airports would probably be the logical first step.
29th Aug, 2016 07:43 (UTC)
Oh, the problem is much bigger than that. The DoH no longer exists. The Department of Environment, Food and Rural Affairs will have some staff left in York and Bristol - possibly, some of them may be in hospital - but their London staff are all gone. London is pretty much all gone.

Members of the British armed forces not stationed in London and not in hospital are currently conducting an urgent conversation involving 'the majority of our civilian population is right in the middle of this and we have no plan, what to do'. Although there are some helicopter gunships giving it a go.

The French authorities, however, are in the position of 'strike now and the English casualties will be regrettable but at least they will not be French casualties' and in conversation with dhampyresa last week, we both had to agree that in that situation the French would certainly want to nuke first and ask questions later. :-D

The Scots would certainly feel the same but I don't think the Scots have any independent nuclear capability.

Major military powers of all types are probably watching the situation with concern, but being a little further away, are perhaps less likely to deploy explosives at an hour or so's notice.

Also they swim, so the coast is more of a threat than the Chunnel.

I like a good thorough disaster.
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