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LJ is my memory

I'm just writing this entry to record that this weekend, we cleaned out the Augean Garage, although frankly, horse poo a la the Augean Stables would have been much more welcome and easier to clean than what was actually in there. Do not click if spiders bother you. They bother me, but sometimes, needs must.

We shoved a few things into that garage when we first bought this house almost 16 years ago, and then we realised:
1) that the garage was too narrow to conveniently get anything but a really small car into it
2) that it is semi-underground, unwaterproofed, and hence hideously damp
3) that the roof, made of asbestos cement (GREAT CHOICE HOUSEBUILDERS!!!) is not just toxic, but also *not even waterproof* so that whenever it rains, water sifts through the cement and carries a sort of asbestos soup onto anything beneath.

Later, these realisations were joined by another, that something that had been put into the garage was carrying woodworm. And that realisation led to a further one, some time later, that all wooden items in the garage, and the roof beams, and the wooden doorframe, were now absolutely riddled with woodworm.

So the door on the garage was closed, and we tried to forget its existence for, probably, about ten years.

But yesterday, we opened the door. And I entered the garage like the Wrath of God, and I attacked the enormous variety of monstrous arachnids that had taken up residence with all my courage, and a broom.

I broke the broom, but thankfully not until I had driven out the many, many Children of Ungoliant from their refuge. The big brown scuttling ones. The little brown hairy ones. The ones with black shiny bodies marked with strange runes. The big black ones that tried to hide, and the thin spindly ones that fled in all directions waving their legs. The ones that lurked darkly on the ceiling. The THOUSANDS that had taken up residence in the old bathroom cabinet that I had foolishly shoved in there and forgotten about. And all the other ones that I didn't get close enough to to really examine in detail.

And I became richly covered in the vast amount of dust that the woodworm had extracted from the various wooden objects, and spread everywhere, including behind my contact lenses.

But by the end of it all, we had removed everything that was inside, and either bagged it for removal by the binmen, taken it off to the recycling centre, or ( for a very small percentage of the contents, and definitely none of the wooden things) cleaned it thoroughly and stored it somewhere more suitable.

And now the garage is ready for a man to come and knock it down, so that we will NEVER EVER have to think about the garage again, except in the context of a defeated foe, and more to the point, will never again have to clean the inside of it.

Note to self: buy new broom.


( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
3rd Apr, 2016 23:38 (UTC)
This is one of the most heroic deeds I have read of recently and I am not even principally referring the spiders! Jobs like that are overwhelmingly difficult to face--and increasingly so as time goes by.

4th Apr, 2016 08:20 (UTC)
So. Glad. It's. Over.
4th Apr, 2016 00:31 (UTC)
O valiant and dauntless Bunn!
4th Apr, 2016 22:00 (UTC)
I was quite severely daunted at one point. SO GLAD IT'S OVER.
4th Apr, 2016 06:38 (UTC)
Knock it down? But that'll leave a car-sized space right next to your front gate! Whatever will you do with that?!?
4th Apr, 2016 06:47 (UTC)
Well done! There is nothing like razing to the ground and salting the earth (or at any rate having it treated for termites).

Edited at 2016-04-04 06:49 (UTC)
4th Apr, 2016 08:32 (UTC)
I am very grateful that at least it is too cold here for termites! Woodworm is bad enough.
4th Apr, 2016 09:29 (UTC)
Yes, there is apparently even a variety that will happily chew through concrete on its way to all that nice cellulose.
4th Apr, 2016 22:00 (UTC)
5th Apr, 2016 10:22 (UTC)
Yes, I had no hesitation in writing the large cheque to the soil-treatment people.
4th Apr, 2016 06:59 (UTC)
My (Welsh) father always said ach-y-fi, although I didn't know how it was spelled.
I feel this heroic deed should inspire me to clear the space under the staircase where the puppies used to live. I have to leave here soon and it would be unthinkable to leave it, however it needs strength ( sad face #rib) and willpower... I have checked the opening hours of the local dechetterie. Watch this space.
It is definitely ach-y-fi.
4th Apr, 2016 08:05 (UTC)
I'm pretty sure it's ych a fi, not ach-y-fi.
4th Apr, 2016 08:15 (UTC)
The Swansea pronunciation that I grew up with is closer to 'ugger vee'. But when I googled spelling it, Google seemed to think ach-y-fi was the thing.

It seems to be a dialect word anyway, so I doubt there is a really 'correct' spelling.
4th Apr, 2016 07:24 (UTC)
Ah, if only life was more like an RPG. Then you could merely have wandered into the local pub, where you would have found an 18 year old farm boy just setting out on his first adventure, who would jumped at the chance to be hired to enter the ancient sealed ruin to battle the spiders within. He'd get some nice xps for doing it, and he'd also have claimed all the contents as loot, thus saving you the need to sort them and bag them for binmen.
4th Apr, 2016 08:32 (UTC)
Sadly, 18 year old farmboys are not what they were...
4th Apr, 2016 08:08 (UTC)
Just for reference, when bunn says "we" in this article, it refers strictly to events not involving spiders. Because while bunn is bothered by spiders, philmophlegm is absolutely f*cking terrified of them.

Edited at 2016-04-04 08:08 (UTC)
4th Apr, 2016 08:16 (UTC)
What are you doing clicking on this link? I left a warning up there at the top. Shoo! :-D
4th Apr, 2016 10:01 (UTC)
What an epic battle! Congratulation on the victory.
4th Apr, 2016 21:58 (UTC)
My garage : twinned with Nan Dungortheb

5th Apr, 2016 08:53 (UTC)
Wow, to have your personal Nan Dungortheb right beside your house :)
Back in 90s Russian tolkanutye called spiders "shelobchik" (that's a diminutive of Shelob).
5th Apr, 2016 16:22 (UTC)
NOT HELPING. *shudders*
8th Apr, 2016 20:22 (UTC)
I am (again) impressed by your energy.
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )

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