April 21st, 2009


The joy of really bad films

I'm watching a film called Dragon Hunter.  It's not very good.  There's just been a brilliant moment when some bloke snogged the Elven Princess and the poor girl playing her is sooooo obviously repelled by the guy.  It was hilarious: in extreme closeup you could really appreciate her trying to act adoring while trying to have her lips in absolutely minimum contact with his...

However, my favorite moment so far is very obviously based on a clip from The Fellowship of the Ring movie, the bit where all the orcs are coming storming up, and Aragorn strides out sort of in slow motion to confront them?  I imagine the thought process of the film makers went like this:

"OK, so we're going to do that scene.  We'll use the same armour cos then everyone will know they are orcs.  Only, wouldn't it be better if instead of a bloke, it was a girl in a leather bikini top?!!  And, we don't have money for that many orcs right now, so we'll cut back on that a bit.   And we'll give her a bow!  And then she can do the surprise reveal of being an elf, by pulling back the hair over her pointy ear!!   And then, she steps forward, and, and this is the good bit, shoots all the orcs together with one arrow!!!   Squish!!!! "

It was a moment of inspired cinema.  Well, to my low tastes it was, anyway.  I almost dropped my banana sundae.

Also, dragons mostly kill people by causing mild scorchmarks on their toned abdomens, did you know? That's the toned abdomens of the people, obviously. I have no information on whether the dragon has a six-pack.