Cue Mollydog turning into a sort of mad vacuum cleaner and puffing and blowing with the sheer excitement that at any moment, we might walk past a discarded chip or breadcrust.
So I'm walking along trying to steer the Hoover Dog between chips, and I'm not looking at Az. Mistake 2.
Standing politely at his gate, wagging nicely, is a golden retriever. I have no idea why, but Az suddenly decided it is The Golden Retriever from Hell, and must be slain. He shot backwards out of his collar*, shot across the lane, stuck his long neck through the gate and made a serious attempt to grab the poor beast by the throat. So now I'm dancing round the lane, Mollydog is pulling me round after chips while I try to grab a furious roaring whippety thing that has NO handholds and appears to have been greased.
Thankfully the retriever sensibly backed off when it saw the mad roaring Az and he failed to actually get hold of it through the gate. Retriever now looking at me somewhat sarcastically. It would have been entirely reasonable for it to have grabbed Mad Az by the neck for attacking him in his own garden, but thankfully this is a lovely well behaved dog. Not like mine...
Finally, I managed to get Az back in collar, on lead. Az is now on a mission. He is not a weedy whippet lurcher, he is a GIANT LION, and every damn dog we walk past (even those he cannot actually see, because they are inside their houses, having the temerity to bark at Az through a window or something) is greeted with huge terrifying roaring and mad dancing attempts to remove collar.
I gave up and decided to go home, at which point Suma the Bungle comes bouncing out of the undergrowth, very pleased with himself for having come for a walk. Only, now he's TIRED, and he can't POSSIBLY walk all the way back to the house. Wah! I must carry him. And he weighs a ton! Where did all those muscles come from? Why can't he use them to walk on his own paws?
So, imagine me revolving gently down the lane, roaring Az in one hand pulling one way, Mollydog Vacuum Dog pulling the other way, staggering under the weight of Giant Suma.
Anyone want some dogs...?
*my fault - I realised afterwards that it was a new one and I hadn't adjusted it properly.
I should mention for those that haven't met him, that Az is usually fine with other dogs, but he seems to have a bit of a thing about dogs behind gates, and also about retrievers (labradors usually, but it seems that Goldens may also count) Normally he is OK if I make it clear that There Will Be No Barking, No, No Barking At All Az in advance, but today he just decided to be a royal PITA.